What in God's Name am I Doing!?

Dad teaching me first chords on my new guitar, Holland Michigan, 1999

Are there paths we choose? Or is our destiny chosen for us? Age old question, eh?

I didn’t choose to be born, but can I choose what I do after I am given life?

Maybe I chose to learn guitar and to practice writing songs...although, words and melodies just come into my head - I have nothing to do with them suddenly appearing. So maybe the choice is in writing them down.

When I first started, there was nothing about any of it that was encouraging. My fingers hurt on the strings, which buzzed in defiance, my rhythm was off as I tried to sing and play at the same time, and my lyrics - cliche.

Yet something inside urged me to keep going. The guitar begged from my dorm room until I returned from class to hoist it upon my lap. I continued to scribble out rhymes and stories that commanded: “Say it - say it with music!”

People say, “follow your heart; Let your heart be your guide.” The metaphorical heart seems to be a compass, or beacon that, when ignored, leads us to despair, a sense of disconnect with your spirit. And who wants that? But is the prompting of the heart a choice?

I’m going Sunday School here: Have you asked Jesus into your heart? I ask because, if you have, then “following your heart” takes on a deeper meaning.

We choose to accept Christ and invite Him into our lives. But from that moment, we surrender, die, and are born with a new heart entirely.

Ezekiel 36:26 - I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you...

Romans 2:29 - But he is a Jew who is one inwardly; and circumcision is that which is of the heart, by the Spirit, not by the letter; and his praise is not from men, but from God.

Jeremiah 24:7 - I will give them a heart to know Me, for I am the Lord; and they will be My people, and I will be their God, for they will return to Me with their whole heart

So...at that moment, when we ourselves die and are born again in Christ...do we lose our volition? And let's just zoom in on that Jeremiah verse above: God is making a statement - and when God makes a statement, it's a done deal. It's a promise: we WILL be His people and we WILL return to Him. My choice seems like a smoke ring on a windy day in the face of that declaration!

Certainly being born again does not mean we suddenly become robots; the bride of Christ is not a Stepford Wife.

But! If we truly choose to follow Jesus, we relinquish the choices of this world and limit our choices to that which align with him. In shocking terminology for today’s ears, Paul says that we become SLAVES to Christ. That word symbolizes a lack of freedom - inability to choose because you are bound.

With profound word play - I must say, Paul says while we are slaves to Christ, the real slavery was the world, outside of Him. Though submission sounds binding, it in fact frees us eternally.

‭‭Romans‬ ‭6:20-22- For when you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.

Because this bondage is unique: it is a relationship - it is a unity. One where the Master enters into us.

Speaking of choice, God chose us first.

1 Peter 2:9 - But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

John 15: 16 - You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.

Ephesians 1” 3-4 - Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him.

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Dad in the studio, Woodstock New York, 2017

Today I am honoring my Dad, a man who chose Christ, who followed the Master around the world, sharing the gospel and helping people in destitute situations. This weekend marks the 2nd anniversary of his passing. No words can describe the void present in my life these past couple years.

But in addition to his servitude for global missions, he followed the calling of his heart for music - that call I know so well myself. He too was compelled to pick up his guitar...even up to his last few months was writing songs and telling me plans he had for new music projects.

In 2017, we reached a long awaited goal of recording music together in Woodstock, NY. I’m so grateful I have these recordings today - they are treasures.

This is one of the songs he chose for us to record, called the Servant Song. Reading the lyrics, It is clear he understood what it truly meant to be a servant - a slave to Christ - to follow his lead, and in doing so we can “begin to see - servants never choose.”

Interestingly, he also has a lyric about God's choice, how Christ "chose to walk our streets": be born of flesh, carry out his ministry on earth, and suffer a gruesome death as an innocent man. We are apt to fall into laziness around this choice - after all, it's God, the Omnipotent One. No wonder then, that every time we read Christ's prayer just prior to his arrest, trial and death, we are jarred when Jesus himself prays to the Father:

Matthew 26:39 - My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.

Christ's raw humanity pierces us as He seems to want to choose another way. But He acknowledges there is no other way. He is a servant to the Great I Am, part of the Master Plan.

"Thy will be done."

Please enjoy this very special song of sacred surrender.

So what in God’s name am I doing - with my life and the choices I make? Hopefully everything - in God’s name. If my heart is truly aligned with His, if I am a good bond servant, my choice and His are one in the same.

1 Peter 2:16 - Live as people who are free, not using your freedom as a cover-up for evil, but living as servants of God.

Singing at the Christmas Pageant, Victoria British Columbia, 2017